Falling into a rut is something that happens to all of us, but how do we get out? It can be hard to recognize when we're in a rut and to motivate ourselves to move on. I've been feeling less than my best lately; like my life is stuck in a rut. I've even found myself watching TV series to pass the time. Recently, I became obsessed with a Tamil show called "OFFICE" and watched all of it in a week. Now, I'm bored and feeling empty.
TV shows aren't usually my thing, as I don't have the patience to wait until the end of an episode, and I don't have time to watch them all. Additionally, some people become so busy that they don't have time for leisure activities, and I'm in that category right now. I'm just going through the motions of my mundane tasks.
I'm also really over summer. Sometimes I feel like I can't take another day in this hot weather. I've had some new experiences this summer because of my internship, one of which was watching TV series during my breaks. It's hectic and exciting. I go to work at 10 am in the hot sun, and I use my laptop to watch "OFFICE" while I'm at the office. No one notices, and I close the YouTube tab to chat with my best friend instead.
My internship has pushed me out of my comfort zone a few times. I've been expected to learn a lot of new things quickly and to do them well. There were times when my head was so full of new information that it was hard to remember everything. But I took on this challenge, as I like to be tested.
I wonder if the rut I'm in has something to do with social media? I do like to stay in touch with my friends through social networking, but that's not always possible. Some of my friends live far away, and we're all so busy that it's hard to find time to connect. Without social media, I might not be able to keep in touch with some people at all. I think virtual relationships can be valid, especially when you only see each other occasionally. It's just that we worry about being too perfect online.
On days when I crave human connection and adult conversation, I often find myself turning to social media to connect with others. But this has contributed to my feeling stuck in a rut.
To be honest, it's been a combination of things that have put me in this rut. I've been working on my internship papers, preparing lecture slides, attending tutorial sessions, and helping out with a project called "Kuppy." I've also had a lot of last-minute projects to deal with and I've been struggling to get enough sleep. Lately, I've had a lot of rough days. I feel like I'm not doing a good job of either making others feel good or making myself feel good. It feels like I have a million things to do, even though I don't.
Research papers are the worst thing I'm dealing with right now, and they're causing me to lose sleep. My mom is asking everyone how she can get my "toddler girl" (me) to sleep through the night. I know one night of lost sleep won't make a difference, but it keeps happening and it shows on my face and gives me gastritis in the morning.
Another challenge is lecturing to adult students, which is the hardest thing in the world, especially when you're nearly their age. It's tough to get paid to do it. There's a hiring freeze for young staff but that doesn't apply to me as an engineering associate lecturer, even though I'm only 23 and a recent graduate of the same university where I'm now teaching. The challenges of lecturing have made me feel even more aware of my age and gender. For example, when I was put in charge of a class of almost 90 students for the first time, I hadn't even finished my degree yet. Despite all of these challenges, I'm trying not to worry too much about them. Instead, I'm focusing on finding ways to get out of this rut and move forward. I know that it won't be easy, but I'm determined to make positive changes and improve my situation.
Nila 2013
Nila 2013
Comments
Post a Comment